My dog paid off my vet

My dog paid off my vet. Or maybe it was my husband. There is no other explanation.

That's the only conclusion I can draw from my experience with our veterinarian this past weekend.

I have a pomeranian. We never got his AKC papers when we bought him because only after we fell in love with him at the pet store did the guy who sold him to us tell us that they conveniently didn't have his AKC papers. So yes, he's probably a mutt. I've had pomeranians before--but never a pomeranian that weighs 24lbs 6oz. That's right. My pomeranian who is supposed to weigh between 8-12lbs is twice his weight. I don't expect him to be 12lbs, once again due to his mutt status, but he shouldn't be twice his weight either.

So why is he 24+lbs? He eats mainly table food. He'll eat his wet dog food only with sprinkled parmesan cheese on it at the end of the night on occasion if the human food didn't satisfy him. So what human food does he eat? Most of the time it's table scraps but if we eat something that he just won't eat (i.e., anything healthy), my husband will heat up some turkey sausages and give him that or (this next part is embarassing) my husband will get him a small fast food item so that he'll eat (e.g., chicken nuggets, cheeseburger off the value menu).

Anyway, I have been battling with my husband on this issue for a long time and have been threatening to tattletale on him at our annual vet visit. I was counting on the vet to lay down the law and scare him with some lines like, "If he stays at this weight, his life expectancy will surely be cut by 5 years" or "He is very likely to face diabetes in the next year if he continues at this pace" or how about "His small frame cannot carry his current weight for long--his hips or knees will give out".

So the vet and her tech weighed him, felt his frame, checked his teeth and hair, all the usual stuff. They gave him his  rabies shot and we talked about heartworm stuff, yada yada yada. I finally got an opportunity to get back to the discussion about weight since it was dismissed earlier. So I start rattling off all the stuff my husband gives my dog-- bacon, sausages, burgers, beef--and at this point my husband's face is bright red. As I was talking the vet and tech are just holding our dog, giving him his shots, giggling at all the food I listed. Then she turns to us and says "Awe, so what's his favorite fast food?" Okay, just answer, maybe she'll realize how bad he eats if you just answer, I thought to myself. I say, "Portillos." She responds, "Oh, he has good taste! Portillos is good!". My jaw was on the floor. She finishes giving him his shots, cuddling with him, etc and then says to him "You did so good with your shots. Maybe you'll get some Portillos later!". WTF?!

Honestly, I was speechless. My plan to embarass my husband so that he could finally join my mission to improve our dog's health had failed miserably. I had been defeated. When we left the vet, I came up with a theory-- they were purely there for the money and don't aim to improve their patients' health. In fact, they may even hope he comes back in worse shape so that they could charge us some ridiculous fee for hip or knee surgery or diabetic testing and supplies. I was convinced that this is why they don't want to change a darn thing about our dog's diet. So twisted but that's my theory. My husband on the other hand says that they have always been a very passive group and probably avoid confrontation or discipline because they don't want to isolate their customers. Okay, I can kinda see his point, but for goodness sake at least listen to what I had to say and recommend IAMS or an extra walk a day.

We drove away from the vet's and headed home. We hadn't eaten all day and so decided to grab something to go. Our dog had a Taco Supreme for lunch. I shook my head as my dog ate his taco. There he was systematically pulling all the lettuce out of the taco while not leaving a single drop of sour cream or beef behind. My husband's response to my disappointment? "The vet said we should get him Portillo's!"

Sigh.