When "just a joke" goes bad

I was saddened this morning to read about a Rutgers student, Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide the day after a roomate and friend secretly taped him having relations with another man. This post isn't about this particular case, nor is it to talk about hate crimes. My empathy is based on the lack of civility displayed by the two individuals charged in this case, Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei. The article I read mentioned that gay activist groups are coming forward and calling this a hate crime. Personally, I'm going to guess that Ravi and Wei were not motivated by hatred towards the gay/lesbian/bisexual population or Clementi himself, but rather that they thought their prank would be funny and thus something they could take credit for. Ravi had publicly posted a message about the prank, which probably means he was proud of his contribution.

The problem with bullying and playing pranks on people is that you as the bully or prankster never know how your actions will impact your target. Granted, this was not a case of shoving a kid into his locker. Ravi and Wei carefully planned to publicly humiliate Clementi and "out" him (if he was indeed gay) before Clementi was ready to do so.

This case reminds me of Megan Meier's-- the unfortunate story of this teenage girl who committed suicide by hanging herself after being lied to by an adult cyber-bully. Meier had been emailing a "boy" who she had a crush on but later the "boy" called her a liar and a slut and told her the world would be better without her. Depressed, Meier took her own life. The truth unfolded that the "boy" was instead a female adult neighbor who pretended to be the boy because she wanted to supposedly find out what Meier was saying about her own daughter. Meier's family admitted that they do not think that the intent was for Meier to kill herself. Nonetheless, that is what resulted from the cyber-bullying.

It's hard to define a line that should not be crossed when it comes to trying to get a laugh out of someone or making them 'tick' to a point where they're just pissed off but not suicidal. The truth is that line isn't the same for everyone. Getting a rise out of someone is risky. Is making fun of someone's attire acceptable but making fun of their sexuality off-limits? What if that person who gets made fun of for the way they dress wants to be a designer? Did you just shatter their dreams?

You'll never really know exactly what your target is going through to guarantee that they won't commit suicide or cause harm to someone/something else in their moment of despair and/or rage. I'm the first to admit that I like making people laugh, and I'm willing to be the butt of the joke if you will too. But what if two people who exchange jokes do so when one of them is having an off-day? You may not be aware that a person may have experienced a bad day/week, recent life change (e.g., job loss, loss of a loved one), etc and so a joke that they should just find funny goes awry. Most sensible people would avoid bullying someone or playing a prank on someone if they knew that person was in a sensitive, fragile state. The problem is, you don't always know.

So should we never joke around, never play silly pranks like tying a rubber band to your faucet's sprayer handle so that when the next person goes to use the faucet water sprays them (see pic below)? Life would be pretty dull.

I feel horrible for the people who are pushed so far to the edge that they jump off, but I also feel regret for the people that pushed them that far and didn't mean for them to actually jump. No penalty enforced by the law can equal the weight your conscience would feel (assuming you're human).

All I'm saying is that we have to think before we act. Ravi and Wei were old enough to know better. In college, at a prestigious university. The adult charged in Meier's case should have known better as well. Maybe those who are depressed and suicidal will eventually meet the same fate (e.g, committing suicide). Sad, but possible. Just don't let their death come as result of your actions. No amount of laughter, popularity, or fortune is worth it.

Just when I thought I had something to complain about.....(Series)

I bump into another story about these guys:
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/09/17/chile.miners/?hpt=T2

Man, seriously I'd go INSANE if I were 2k feet below the earth for almost 2 months (they've been there since August 5, 2010). These 33 miners have stayed fairly optimistic, despite the news from their employer who says they do not have the money to pay the miners for their work and/or suffering. (The employer has since filed for bankruptcy.)

The bright side is that today workers were able to drill a hole and reach the miners. Now they just have to widen the hole to be able to bring them up. Early estimates said they wouldn't be out until November. That date, thankfully has been moved up although I'm not sure they have set a new target date.

Anyway, I will add to this series--'Just when I thought I had something to complain about.....'--basically every time I think I have it bad but then realize I really don't at all. Feel free to add to it.

I hope these guys get out soon and are somehow able to get compensated for their pain, suffering, and more than anything--time away from their loved ones. I can't even imagine what it would be like to not be able to see my baby boy's face every day, or not hear my husband laugh. And to think, I was just mad that I wasn't going to be going to the Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz concert at Wrigley Field this weekend. Silly me.

The Wall

Album cover courtesy of Google Images

Almost everyone has at one point or another heard "Another Brick in the Wall, Part II" or "Comfortably Numb" from one of the best rock albums of all time, The Wall. Released in 1979 by Pink Floyd, the album is so much more than either of these two songs. If you have never listened to the album from start to finish, I encourage you to do so as it is not just background music, but rather an experience. The lyrics are a challenge to understand and/or relate to at first due to the number of metaphors used throughout the album, however they allow you to use your imagination to try to understand what Pink was trying to convey in every song. I have enjoyed listening to this album for quite some time now and in an effort to fully grasp the meaning of each line/theme, I searched the internet for an analysis that would help me get some questions answered.

I came across the following website: http://www.thewallanalysis.com/Intro.html.

Bret Urick, the site's owner and author, does an amazing job of sharing his interpretation of one of the best concept albums in rock history. He does reference interviews with Roger Waters wherever applicable, specifically a 1979 interview between Waters and Tommy Vance is cited throughout, but this analysis is largely Urick's own interpretation of The Wall. Anyway, if you're interested and if you've got the time check out his website. If you're anything like me, you'll probably walk away with an even deeper appreciation for The Wall.

Lucky for me I get to see Roger Waters perform The Wall later this month in Chicago. Supposedly, the entire album is going to be performed. Ask yourself-- is there an album that you'd want to hear in its entirety at a concert? I can't think of too many, but this is definitely one of them. The concert should be special. The album surely is.

Now toss me the pigskin

9/9/2010 Photo courtesy of Google Images

Yes! The day has finally come!!

Enough of garbage meaningless preseason football, contract holdouts, considerations of moving towards an 18 game regular season, waiting for Favre to inevitably come out of retirement, the new rule to have umpires stand behind the play and its impact on the Colts, er NFL.....enough of all of it. It's time for real football--- time for the players to put their money where their mouths are, time to watch the brilliance of game plans and schemes that the coaches have been devising and hiding until now, time to see if the "we never get any respect" Saints can repeat, time to see if Favre can carry his 2009 numbers into 2010, time to see if Chris Johnson can be stopped. And lucky for you and me, the time is NOW.

This preseason was exceptionally long and drawn out. It's bad enough that the NFL bores us year after year, keeping us tapping our fingers while we wait one full month before we can watch meaningful, action-packed, hard-hitting games. But this year, two major leagues collaboratively worked together to force me and many others to toss the sports section of the newspaper altogether for the last 4 weeks. Our hometown team, the only team in Chicago that matters (enter Sox fan boos here), the Cubs, sucked it up from the get-go this year. It became truly painful to watch this team in July and August--most of us didn't even know the names of the young players that were called up to fill the roster spots. So maybe the rest of the league was more interesting and exciting, I thought. Nope. The entire sport became uninteresting to me as soon as Stephen Strasburg got injured. He alone would've been worth watching had he not thrown his arm out. The guy could have been a phenom. I haven't been this disappointed since Barbaro went down.

Anyway, back to football. How exciting is this year going to be? Very exciting, my friends. We have up-and-coming talent in Arian Foster, Matt Stafford, C.J Spiller, Ryan Mathews, and more. I could go on and on (and I will in a separate post). Tonight, the NFL kicks off with the undefeated Super Bowl champs taking on Favre and Co. The morning line has the Saints to win by 5.5 but I predict that they're going to win by a much wider margin. The Saints, with their high-powered offense is going to be able to stifle the Viking D on opening day. Brett and Co. will be interesting to watch, to say the least. Will Brett be able to move around the pocket and get the ball out his receivers in time with that injured ankle of his? Will AP have better control of the football or will he be fumble-prone again this year? Will Chester Taylor's absence have an effect on the offense? Can Sidney Rice be replaced? My guesses are No, not consistently;He better hope so; Yes, and that's why I'm glad he's on the Bears; and Absolutely. (Are you keeping up?)

We shall see........I'm hoping for a good, close match-up tonight. Either way, we have the rest of the NFL and 16 games left for most teams come Friday morning. Here's to football that matters. Chicken wings, anyone?